


Happy Halloween!

by kalelove



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Gen, Mental Breakdown, Swearing, also oops! i used google translate, just kidding! he's actually having a breakdown at jake's party, oh my god! rich is totally bi!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 07:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalelove/pseuds/kalelove
Summary: Rich finally gets some alone time in his head at Jake's Halloween party.





	Happy Halloween!

Rich sat hunched over on the worn couch, absentmindedly toying with the mask that was slipping down his forehead once more. The voice in his head had quieted down for a bit, giving him time to take a short but sweet break. Having someone tell you how to act all the time got tiring. He continued fumbling with the mask, wondering about what he should do now.

He couldn’t talk to Jake - they already talked, so why would he need to again? Plus he had already run off with Brooke somewhere, something about needing to find Jeremy. Jenna was hovering around the snack table, but he had no reason to talk to her. No gossip, no conversation. There were also a few other partygoers hanging around, but Rich had no reason to talk to them either.

Rich sighed, pushing the mask all the way atop his head. Now that he thought about it, having no commands to follow did seem quite liberating. He could decide who he was going to talk to or hang out with. The more he thought about it, the more he longed to have that freedom again. His SQUIP didn’t seem to be around, so why couldn’t he bring himself to do anything? Maybe he _should_ go talk to Jake-

 _Zap_.

**Do not talk to Jake. He is busy.**

And there it was again, accompanied with its signature shock. God, sometimes he really did forget that he had a SQUIP. Sometimes it felt like such a _nightmare_ -

**Go to the snack table. If Jenna Rolan wants to talk, she will make sure you know.**

Rich sucked in a breath and pushed himself up and off the couch. He was getting stiff from hunching over anyway. He strode over to the table, snagging a cookie as he browsed the different drinks lined up. Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, and all the other popular soda brands were present, along with an assortment of cheap beers and liquors. He picked up one of the better-looking liquor bottles and popped the cork, grabbing a red solo cup to pour way more than a shot in, and paused only to hear frenzied running and screams pass by him.

Spinning around, Rich spotted none other than Jeremy being chased down by Jake. The latter was shouting an incoherent mix of curses as the former continued to sprint through the house.

Running in a different direction was Brooke, her dog costume in disarray and her face shining with newly shed tears. Rich heard Jenna gasp a soft “Brooke!” as she hurried after her, the snack table long forgotten.

Rich was left in silence as he gripped the cup of liquor, attempting to process what had just happened. What was he supposed to do? Should he go after Jeremy and Jake? Should he console Brooke with Jenna? Should he go find where this started?

**People are still watching you. Stay where you are. Act as though nothing happened. You will know everything once Jenna is free again.**

Well, his SQUIP wasn’t wrong, but he still couldn’t help but wonder about what the hell had just taken place. After a pause, he shrugged and took a swig of the alcohol, acting chill as his SQUIP had instructed.

**こんにちは！**

Oh shit.

**ばか！なぜあなたはそれを飲んだのですか？**

Rich swiftly placed the cup on the table as he clutched at his head, face contorted in anguish. A searing pain flashed in his mind as his SQUIP continued rambling at him.

**シャットダウンを開始しています。再起動は1時間で始まります。**

The pain in his head ceased immediately, and a silence fell upon him as the voice withdrew from him entirely. He took one shaky breath after another, slowly regaining control of himself. He removed his now clammy palms from his head and surveyed the area - a few stray people were staring, but for a shutdown, it wasn’t the worst amount of attention.

Snagging the cup off the table, he swaggered back to the couch as though nothing had happened. He sneered at some dude who still hadn’t dropped his stare before sitting down and taking a long sip from his cup. The sting of the liquor brought him back to his senses as he let his mind wander, truly alone this time.

Alone. God, he now realized just how much he missed being alone in his own goddamn head. It was as though all his privacy was torn away when he took that pill freshman year - and yeah, back then he thought it was for the better, but right now? It sucked ass.

It wasn’t easy to have a voice inside your head always criticizing you for every move that wasn’t perfectly calculated. It wasn’t easy to have a voice inside your head attacking your insecurities in hopes of changing who you were. It wasn’t easy to have a voice inside your head tell you that _no Richard, you can’t wear that shirt anymore because only losers wear that kind of shirt._ It wasn’t easy to have a voice inside your head tell you that _no Richard, you have to dye your hair because if you don’t the target females will lose interest in you._ It wasn’t easy to have a voice inside your head tell you that _no Richard, you can’t check out guys anymore because that’s something that only gay people would do, and you aren’t gay._

He was so fucking fed up with his SQUIP. It was as if the SQUIP just wanted to shape him into this abstract concept of the perfect person, something that no one could ever dream of becoming. He couldn’t handle the constant berating, the never-ending storm of harsh remarks and cruel judgments. There was no way that he would be able to continue the strenuous workouts designed to keep himself fit because _you’re short for your age Richard, you need to build yourself to make up for what you lack in height._ No matter how many times Rich stressed that he was done with _using_ random girls just for the reputation it created, the SQUIP would always reassure him that what he was doing was justified in his climb to popularity and dear _god_ it was all just _so fucked up._

He knew that he couldn’t keep this up. He had to do something about the SQUIP. He couldn’t deal with this anymore, just please god get it out of his head please oh god just get out of my head get out of my head get out of my-

Rich gritted his teeth, sucking in a breath as he felt the tears come rushing forth. He blinked them away, attempting to ground himself after what honestly felt like his first breakdown since he became popular. He quickly downed the rest of the alcohol before aggressively crushing the cup in his hands. His mask slipped down his forehead as he swiftly stood back up, carelessly discarding the cup on the floor. Spotting the nearest partygoer, he strode over to her, wincing as she cowered back from him.

“Yo, uh- fuck, do you have any Mountain Dew Red?”


End file.
